Today, the Dallas World Aquarium with the kiddos. Last night a great meeting at the Lambda gay meeting. There were only four of us there but it was good for me. The topic was amends which the chair got from the day’s Daily Reflections book. I have to get back into meditations here, just got iPhone logon working.
Today was dad’s birthday, and nine years from his death. I wish I would had been able to get sober while he was still around but that’s just not how it was supposed to be.
Karen is going to pick me up tomorrow at/around 4:30. This will allow me to use Kim’s car in the day and perhaps hit a meeting. I will say my goodbyes to X & C in the morning as their father will pick them up after school.
Daily Reflections
September 12
I AM RESPONSIBLE
FOR THE READINESS TO TAKE THE FULL CONSEQUENCES OF OUR PAST ACTS, AND TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE WELL-BEING OF OTHERS AT THE SAME TIME, IS THE VERY SPIRIT OF STEP NINE.
-TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, P. 87
In recovery, and through the help of Alcoholics Anonymous, I learn that the very thing I fear is my freedom. It comes from my tendency to recoil from taking responsibility for anything: I deny, I ignore, I blame, I avoid. Then one day, I look, I admit, I accept. The freedom, the healing and the recovery I experience is in the looking, admitting and accepting. I learn to say, “Yes, I am responsible.” When I can speak those words with honesty and sincerity, then I am free.
Twenty-Four Hours A Day
September 12
A.A. Thought For The Day
“What draws newcomers to A.A. and gives them hope? They hear the stories of men and women whose experiences tally with their own. The expressions on the faces of the women, that undefinable something in the eyes of the men, the stimulating atmosphere of the A.A. clubroom, conspire to let them know that there is haven at last. The very practical approach to their problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding that these people in A.A. have is irresistible.” Have I found a real haven in A.A.?
Meditation For The Day
“If thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.” The eye of the soul is the will. if your will is to do the will of God, to serve Him with your life, to serve Him by helping others, then truly shall your whole body be full of light. The important thing is to strive to attune your will to the will of God, a single eye to God’s purpose, desiring nothing less than that His purposes be fulfilled. Try to seek in all things the advance of His kingdom, seek the spiritual values of honesty and purity, unselfishness and love, and earnestly desire spiritual growth. Then your life will emerge from the darkness of futility into the light of victory.
Prayer For The Day
I pray that my eye may be single. I pray that my life may be lived in the light of the best that I know.
Walk In Dry Places
September 12
Handle the Old tapes with care.
Releasing the Past.
A large number of recovering people have a tough time coming to terms with the abuse and abandonment of childhood days. Sometimes we play those “old tapes” while reliving the past in a mood of self-pity and resentment. This is destructive.
We cannot completely erase the past, but we can turn it over to our friends and our Higher power. Our goal should be to transform past experiences into constructive examples.
We can start by reminding ourselves that all unhappy experience is a product of the world’s sickness and ignorance. Far from being unusual, our misery was a common thing that we’re only now beginning to overcome.
We can also practice God’s forgiveness, remembering that real forgiveness is humanly impossible. We should resist the temptation to tell others about our past sufferings in order to gain sympathy. At all times, the old tapes must be handled with care.
Whatever happened in the past cannot affect me today unless I let it. I’ll play the old tapes only when it can be done constructively.
Keep It Simple
September 12
Sometimes we just want to yell. Maybe a family member or a friend messed up, and we want to “set them straight.” Start counting. Maybe we got chewed out at work and we want “to get even.” Start counting.
We get drunk on anger. We may feel powerful when we “set someone straight.” But like an alcohol high, an anger high last only a short time and can hurt others. We must control our anger. This is why we count.
Cool down. Think out what you need or want to say. Use words that you’ll not be ashamed of later. Learning how to respect others when we’re angry is a sign of recovery.
Prayer for the Day : Higher Power, teach me to respect others when I’m angry.
Action for the Day: Today, when I feel angry I’ll count. I’ll work at not controlling other with my anger.
Father Leo’s Daily Meditation
September 12
SELF-LOVE
Today I am able to say that I love myself. To love myself is to love God and the world in which I live. I cannot befriend, hug, help or create without first having a relationship with myself. Without me, there is no meaning to my life. I am the most important thing in my life. This is not said to be conceited but is an aspect of self-love. It reveals a healthy pride and respect for my life. And it feels good.
For years I thought that to love “self” was wrong and sinful, a misuse of energy and time. What people thought about me was so important; what people said about me was a constant worry. And the more I looked out of myself for meaning, the more lost, isolated and confused I became. Then I heard that God loved me and he wanted me to love me. Today I live and love through me.
O God who created me to love, let me begin with me.
One Day At A Time
September 12
LOVE
It took me a long time to learn what love truly means. I thought love included pleasing others, saying “yes” when I meant “no,” swallowing my true feelings and putting myself last. What I didn’t know is that I was practicing resentment, anger, fear, jealousy and everything but love. I could not love others because I did not love myself.
Then I decided to take care of myself first. I considered no one but me, took care of myself, (or so I thought) while actually alienating myself from those close to me. I ate compulsively to tame the self-loathing I felt inside. And I loathed myself because I did not treat myself with real love and kindness.
Today I know that loving myself must come first. If I love myself, I am better able to love everyone in my life because I do things from a place of honesty. If I treat myself with respect, I treat others with respect. Everyone wins when I love myself enough to accept myself, flaws and all.
One day at a time …
I will ask my Higher Power for the
ability to accept and love myself for where I
am this day, knowing I am a work in progress like a
tree that grows from self-care and nurturing.
~ Melissa
Elder’s Meditation of the Day
September 12
Sometimes we get mixed up and we don’t know what to do. Go to the river or creek. Take your sage and tobacco; sit and be still. Talk to the water, offer tobacco and the healing water will take your problems downstream. Give thanks.
Great Spirit, heal my mind today, let me see love.
Touchstones Meditations For Men
September 12
NOT ALL FIGHTS ARE BAD; IN FACT THEY ARE PREFERABLE TO DISCIPLINED SERENITY.
—WILLIAM ATWOOD
A good relationship includes some disagreement. Anger and disagreement, when we express them respectfully, are important ways of renewing communication and breaking through the walls that sometimes built up. No relationship can tolerate constant fighting. But, when we don’t agree with someone, we owe it to that person to speak up and follow through to resolution. We can promise ourselves and the other person that we will stay in the relationship through the disagreement. It is because we care that we fight.
In any relationship we care about, there will be differences. When we avoid all confrontations, our relationships go stale because all emotional issues are avoided. Carefulness and over control undermine love because they don’t give it room to breathe, but disagreement and anger expressed in honest and respectful ways will help love grow.
Today, I pray for the courage to acknowledge my disagreements and angry feelings with others and to deal with their feelings toward me.
Daily TAO
September 12
INDEFINITE
Spring was a time of swaggering declarations.
Reaching autumn, one finds few absolutes.
Life is mystery and ambiguity,
Toward winter, that now seems agreeable and comfortable.
When young, one makes heroic attempts. The world will surely bend to our will, we think, and we will surely make grand contributions. Social injustice will be righted. The big questions will be answered.
I once went to see a master writer. Long retired, white-haired and fragile, she nevertheless evinced a sharp and discerning mind. I was a novice writer. She had edited hundreds of great authors. I peppered her with all my anxieties and asked her all the questions that my teachers never answered. To most of my questions she would only answer, “Yes.” She knew all the answers, and she knew all the exceptions, and she knew the best thing that an older person could tell a younger person was “Yes.” Yes, the affirmative. Yes, as in keep exploring. Yes, as in there are no ultimate answers.
I used to push for an immediate resolution to daily problems. Now, I am not so anxious. Is science right about things, or is religion? Is there good and evil on a metaphysical level? Is there one god, or are there many gods, or no gods? A hundred answers exist for these questions. They are all known, but no one agrees. Today, I think it all very fine. Let there be a hundred answers with none of them entirely correct. The asking of the question is already enough.
Daily Zen
September 12
Only then do you know that in the past there was basically no delusion and that in the present there is basically no awakening, that awakening is delusion and delusion is awakening, that facing toward and turning away are identical, that the nature is identical to mind and mind is identical to the nature, that Buddhas are delusive demons and delusive demons are Buddhas. The one pure equality without any opposition of equal and not equal- all this is the constant endowment of one’s own mind, not dependent on the skills of another.
– Ta-hui